Steam 上 3DMark 的搞笑评论

3DMark 是个显卡性能评测软件,通过运行一些实际的 3D 场景,给出电脑的 3D 性能评分。类似于国内的鲁大师评分之类的,只是 3DMark 更专注于 3D 性能评分而已。由于 3D 性能绝大部分实用场景都是玩游戏,所以 3DMark 自己的口号就是 『The Gamer’s Benchmark(是玩家就跑个分)』。

作为电脑的性能测试测试软件,自然是有不少榨压极限的测试项目,其中最耗资源的一项叫『Fire Strike』,寓意电脑满负荷运行时如同火烧一样。

就此为止这还是个正常的测试工具软件,然后软件公司就开了个脑洞。它添加了个全球排名榜(和打败了99%的电脑一样),还添加了 Steam 游戏成就……(⊙ˍ⊙)观赏一下:3DMark Game Archievements

于是一帮成就党和吐槽党就沸腾了:

Hevcy:
This game is the most pay-to-win game I have ever played. To have any hope of getting near the top of leaderboards you will have to spend at least 4-5k of your hard earned cash, and, to add to all of this, there is no gameplay to be found, just a series of cutscenes with no relevance to eachother at all. This is a grim sign of where the industry is headed.

– 这是我玩过的最氪金的游戏。你至少要花两三万辛苦搬砖赚的钱才有那么一丁点上榜的希望,关键是你攒起来了也没啥可玩的,就看那些没啥剧情的场景演示。这游戏行业怕是要走歪了。

MaxterChief:
I tried running the Fire Strike test. It just laughed at me, called me a loser and would have stolen my girlfriend if I had one.

– 我试着跑了下火焰冲击测试,然后就被它嘲笑了。它喊我卢瑟,还想抢走我女友,如果我有女友的话。

Modified420:
most expensive program ever.
1. Buy it.
2. Run it.
3. Go buy CPU/GPU.
4. Run it again.
5. Repeat from step 2.

史上最贵的程序
– 1. 买买买。
– 2. 运行软件。
– 3. 升级电脑。
– 4. 再次运行。
– 5. 从第2步开始重复。

Modified420
Just when you think you have a pretty good rig. This program will smack that thought right out your head, Stomp on that dream, and crush any hopes of possibly obtaining that Master PC status again until tax time. 10/10

– 你以为你搞了台牛机。这软件会狠狠拍醒你,告诉你别做梦了,也别觉得自己的机器能打败多少人了,还是搬砖去吧。

Señor Freezer
Cool software if you want your heart, hopes and dreams broken

– 你想让你心灵受伤希望幻灭梦想破碎的话这软件很不错。

Super Saiyan Papyrus
Pros:
Amazing Visuals
Intuitive menus
Global ranking system (by different classes)
Really fun to compete and see who is the best between all of your friends
Cross platform support for Windows Phone, Anroid, and iOS

Cons:
Pay to win

– 优点:
– 惊艳的视觉效果
– 直观的菜单
– 全球分类排名
– 基友之间撕逼谁最牛确实很爽
– 跨平台支持,包括 Windows Phone、安卓和 iOS

– 缺点:
– 氪金

Arctiix
Overclocked till my computer hit temps of 100 degrees Celsius to get achievements… No regrets.

– 超频到电脑 100℃ 拿成就……我不后悔(>﹏<)

moist
I got the CPU bottleneck and GPU bottleneck achievements at the same time

– 我同时拿了『处理器不够用』成就和『显卡不够用』成就。

Systemworks
Bought Alienware x51 gaming PC.
Ran standard Fire Strike test.

I bought a potato.

– 买了外星人 X51 游戏电脑。
– 运行标准火焰冲击测试。
– 我买的个山芋啊!(Hot potato 比喻棘手的问题、烫手山芋、使人厌恶的事。难题。)

♠ DgO ♠
The Fire Strike Ultra is so real that my PC got on fire.

– 超级火焰冲击很真实,我电脑着火了。

HEMI™
Lets face it we need this app to test our hardware and just make ourselves feel better about spending vast sums of cash on more hardware we really didn’t need just wanted 😉

– 其实吧,我们是需要这个 app 的。花了大价钱买了口水但实际根本用不上的硬件时,用它测两下,心里就不那么内疚了。

kinsey430
成就:0(以及以后若干年也会是0)
卡片:无
为什么买:要问2天前的我,顺便帮我劝劝他。

༼ つ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ༽つ
I own two Gtx 780’s and got the cpu bottleneck achievement.

– 我整了两块 GTX780 显卡然后拿了个『处理器不够用』成就。

Aoi
没成功运行过一次,歧视我没四路泰坦吗

[fwdcp] tsc
This is the most disgustingly pay-to-win game that I’ve ever played, and it’s not even interactive, more like a movie. I’m very disappointed.

– 最烂的氪金游戏,没啥互动,像个电影,我很失望。

Xenom73
Couldn’t handle firestorm at even 30fps. My epeen is deflated. Computer not worth any achievement score. Think i’ll cry myself to sleep.

– 火焰风暴跑不到 30 桢,我痿了。这电脑连个成就都挣不到,哭着睡了。

Drifter
Spent $1250 on a high-end computer.
Spent $5 to know that I made a terrible decision.

– 花 8000 买了台牛逼电脑。
– 花 30 发现我错了。

喵啦啦
卡吧标配游戏

Greenpool
I want to achieve the ultimate pleasure in life by unlocking all achievements. This is now my sole purpose to overclocking.

– 追求成就全解锁时的终极快感是我超频的唯一原因。

矢泽妮可
终于知道了我的电脑是战5渣..

观光链接:

header
http://store.steampowered.com/app/223850/

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